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托福学院

托福满分范文解析

古人云,以铜为镜可以正衣冠,以人为镜可以明得失。这句话在写作练习中也同样值得借鉴。想要提高自己的写作水平,除了有充分的练习之外,也需要去看一些优秀的习作,分析其中值得学习的地方。有些学生在托福写作的备考中只顾埋头练。通常的情况是,习作练了一摞,但是进步却不明显。今天我们就来看一篇托福满分范文。以下是一道托福独立作文真题
“Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer.”
题目问的是人们是不是永远都不满足于自己所拥有的,总是想要更多或者不一样的东西。(是的,你没看错,托福作文也会有如此有情怀的题目。)

范文第一段:
    I think it’s probably true that people are never satisfied with what they have. (开门见山,亮明自己观点)They always want something more or something different from what is theirs. This just seems to be part of our human nature. Look at a toddler.(在引入段就举例是属于非常大胆的,但是如果用好了也会起到很好的作用。这里,这个例子就是作者对自己观点的佐证,非常形象生动) Give her a toy to play with and she’s happy-until she sees something eke. Then she wants that other toy to play with. If she and her brother are each given a cookie, she’ll look to see whose cookie is bigger. She’ll protest loudly if she thinks her brother is getting more. (这一句看似描述,实质是在点题。有很多学生在写作文的时候会陷入例子和话题irrelevant的困境,就是因为在缺乏对例子的剖析,以及找到和话题的切入点。如果是这样的话,准备再多的“万能例子”都是徒劳的。)
    "The grass is always greener" is an old expression, but it's a good expression of how many of us feel.(非常恰当的名言引用) We're always striving for(注意这个动词短语的使用,没有用一般的looking for或者search for,表达的感情更为强烈一些。) a better job, a nicer place to live, a fancier car, or more expensive clothes. Part of this reaching for more and better is because we care about what other people think and want to impress them. Part of it is trying to make ourselves feel successful. (part of, part of 体现出行文的前后呼应,紧凑感)But there's also something in our nature that tells us we can do better and reach higher.
    This isn't always a negative quality. There's another saying: "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" It's a good thing to be constantly pushing ourselves and looking for something different. If we don't try for more and different things, we begin to, stagnate, like a pool that doesn't get any fresh water.(在理性叙述的同时,也要注意用一些类比,让行文不那么死板)
The problem comes when we won't let ourselves be satisfied with anything we have. If we have a comfortable life and still feel as if something's missing, then we need to look inward. The something that's missing may be in our spirit. (不同寻常的结尾段)
Ann点评:这篇满分范文不同于很多老师强调的五段式文章,但是,胜在强大的逻辑和对语言的灵活使用。模仿+练习双管齐下,相信你也不会再惧怕写作的。

 



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