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托福学院

托福写作范文赏析--真题篇

    ETS官方的185道托福作文题库里有这样一道题目:
“ Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people’s lives. 1. Automobiles 2. Bicycles 3. Airplanes Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.”
    而在2011年3月11日的北美卷以及2012年8月19日的中国大陆卷中,都考到了这道题目的演化版,题目如下:
“ Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The car (automobile) has had a greater effect on society than the airplane.”
对于这种选择/比较类的考题,常规的思路是首先陈述自己的选择,接下来用2-3个理由来陈述自己做出此选择的原因。或者,写两条理由陈述己方优势,一条理由陈述对方劣势。我们可以来看看官方给出的满分范文,借此学习一下合理的写作思路安排以及语言表达方式。正文如下:
An airplane is a form of transportation that has changed people’s lives. Thanks to the plane, our lives are now faster, more exciting, and more convenient than before. (开篇直接点出自己的选择,并且陈述理由。这就是在精不在多。)
    You cannot deny that a plane is fast. For example, the Concorde flies at supersonic speed. A businessman can leave Paris at 11 a.m in the morning and arrive in New York at 8 a.m the same morning in time for a day’s work. Many business people in Europe will fly to London for a noon meeting and then return home to Rome or Madrid for dinner. (第二段紧扣首段中的第一个理由,a plane is fast.后文给出的两个例子都是在突出“fast”这个特点。很有针对性。)
    It is always exciting to take a plane trip. When you take a trip by plane, you know that you might cross many time zones, many oceans, and many countries. When you get off the plane, you could be in a place that speaks a different language. A plane is like a magician’s trick. You get in a box and you come out somewhere totally different. (即使没有具体的例子,也还能扯出这么多话来,不得不说有时候写作文就是这样,硬着头皮写,只要能写出漂亮且扣题的句子,也是能够拿高分的。在着一段中,只使用到了时间状语从句,语言和选词都不算“高大上”,但是以流畅取胜。倒数第二句的magician‘s trick用来印证take a plane是让人感到exciting的观点)
    Nothing can beat the convenience of a plane. In the old days, it might take you days to do what the plane can do it an hour. Boats, for example, only leave on certain days of the week and take a long time to get to their destination. Planes give you the option to leave several times a day and get you to your destination quickly. (这一段开始出现优劣比较了。强调飞机的便捷性,拿飞机的速度与轮船相比。当写选择类题目时,即使你知道你所选择的有明显劣势,但是为了强调你选择的正确性,那么一定要用你的选择的优势来跟对方的劣势相比,而且需要有绝对优势。有的考生在写这种选择类题目时,顾虑太多。比如,选了飞机,但是却冷不丁来一段说飞机票贵,这样在作文中就会显得逻辑不一致,并且没有说服力。)
Although other forms of transportation may be more comfortable, none has changed the way we do business and live our lives more than plane. Thanks to the speed, excitement, and convenience of the planes, our lives are richer. (学习一下人家怎么结尾。在让步状语从句中简要提一下其他交通形式的好处,接下来none has changed这才是重点。再次强调了自己选择的绝对优势。最后一句话总结了自己的三个分论点。)
Ann点评:这篇满分范文句式和选词都是偏简单的类型,文中没有长难句,也没有艰深词汇,从字数来看,更是只有300字左右。这就证明一点,所谓的长难句,高大上词汇,以及字数都不是作文高分的决定性因素。它们是加分项,但是必须建立在文章整体结构合理,论点清晰,表达流畅的基础之上。本篇范文中虽然简单句居多,但却毫无呆板之感。比如,在提到三个论点时:1. You can not deny that a plane if fast. 2. It is always exciting to take a plane trip. 3. Nothing can beat the convenience of the plane. 没有常见的first,secondly 以及thirdly, 也是一样能够陈述自己观点的。



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